Washing


I tried my best never to sweat or get crud on myself or clothing for 2 years but it was impossible. Therefore, this green tub saw a lot of action.

Like most people, I used to take baths when I was young. Then it was determined that taking baths was exacerbating my skin problems (eczema (gross)). That's when I learned how to stop worrying and love the shower. Peace Corps gave me a chance to relive those old bathing days except this time around there was less water and I barely fit into the tub. Here are a few tips for those who would like to start taking bucket baths.

Washing myself was not fun or effective but washing my clothes was far worse. This has made me come to a frightening realization, one that won't go away if we ignore it. Consider this: it is accepted among the world's leading scholars that we only have a few years left before the robot uprising. What will we do then? Well as I see it, the human race will be left with only 5 options concerning our garments because surely our washers and dryers will turn on us:

1) Go naked.
Pro: The fashion world loses its voice in political matters.
Con: It will get cold.

2) Put up with unwashed clothing.
Pro: There is a chance that a naturally sweet smelling human will evolve.
Con: We might all die from disease and lack of sexual attraction. Also robots will be able to detect our stink.

3) Get disposable clothing. Think of a giant pack of different colored jumpsuits.
Pro: Jumpsuits were originally created for fighting against robots.
Con: With the machines controlling all recycling plants, we will quickly run out of material to clothe billions of people with comfortable material. Soon we will be using leaves or animal hides (see number 2) and those things are course. The itchiness will be maddening!

4) Engineer a species of extromophile fish that can withstand soapy, hot/cold water environments so we just need to throw our clothes into the fish pond and take out after the allotted time.
Pro: The fish can handle delicates.
Con: The fish eat people.

5) Trade our freedom for the use of washing machines.
Pro: Robots are pretty cool.
Con: There are no cons.

I think we should submit to the robot overlords as long as they let us use their washer/dryer brothers and sisters because hand-washing our clothes is not one of the options. If you have seen the Matrix, you might have noticed how ragged their clothing was. That's from hand-washing. I can confirm this from my own experiences. Besides squeezing through fences, this is the cause of all the holes in my clothing. I have actually had to mend things here so I would not look quite so shabby. During a particularly difficult repair, I was frustrated that I couldn't push a needle through the fabric without painfully jabbing my thumb. I thought to myself "some sort of metal thumb cap would really make this easier" and that's how I re-invented the thimble. That's a good side story. Needless to say, I am looking forward to tomorrow when I will be hand-washing my clothes for the last time.
Socks and Underwear: Washing

Friday, September 2, 2011

Washing


I tried my best never to sweat or get crud on myself or clothing for 2 years but it was impossible. Therefore, this green tub saw a lot of action.

Like most people, I used to take baths when I was young. Then it was determined that taking baths was exacerbating my skin problems (eczema (gross)). That's when I learned how to stop worrying and love the shower. Peace Corps gave me a chance to relive those old bathing days except this time around there was less water and I barely fit into the tub. Here are a few tips for those who would like to start taking bucket baths.
  • Wash your head first. This is pretty self explanatory. You know once you get in there the water loses some of it's cleaning power. Instead it starts to redistributes the dirt evenly across your body. Do what you will but I would prefer that the muck from the rest of my body doesn't settle on my face.
  • Buy soap meant for washing people. I know some of you are thinking "there is a super cheap soap that claims it can wash dishes, laundry and people", don't fall for it. Hiker and hippies are familiar with Dr. Bronner's which has a myriad of washing purposes and I feel it lives up to it's claims (except for brushing teeth, the stuff took off a layer of my mouth skin) and if you can get that stuff I think that this is acceptable. Furthermore, I agree that really all soap is based on the same mechanism but there are subtle differences that go along way to making a soap more suitable for bathing (or whatever the specific function). So I say splurge and buy separate soaps, variety is the spice of life.
  • Stop trying to not get water everywhere. I am not saying you should just splash willy-nilly but water is going to get all over your floor. You don't want your bath to be a stressful occasion so accept the spillage and consider it a bonus floor washing with each bath.
  • Get a brush with an extended handle. Because washing the back is still important. When you think about it your back is like your second front.

Washing myself was not fun or effective but washing my clothes was far worse. This has made me come to a frightening realization, one that won't go away if we ignore it. Consider this: it is accepted among the world's leading scholars that we only have a few years left before the robot uprising. What will we do then? Well as I see it, the human race will be left with only 5 options concerning our garments because surely our washers and dryers will turn on us:

1) Go naked.
Pro: The fashion world loses its voice in political matters.
Con: It will get cold.

2) Put up with unwashed clothing.
Pro: There is a chance that a naturally sweet smelling human will evolve.
Con: We might all die from disease and lack of sexual attraction. Also robots will be able to detect our stink.

3) Get disposable clothing. Think of a giant pack of different colored jumpsuits.
Pro: Jumpsuits were originally created for fighting against robots.
Con: With the machines controlling all recycling plants, we will quickly run out of material to clothe billions of people with comfortable material. Soon we will be using leaves or animal hides (see number 2) and those things are course. The itchiness will be maddening!

4) Engineer a species of extromophile fish that can withstand soapy, hot/cold water environments so we just need to throw our clothes into the fish pond and take out after the allotted time.
Pro: The fish can handle delicates.
Con: The fish eat people.

5) Trade our freedom for the use of washing machines.
Pro: Robots are pretty cool.
Con: There are no cons.

I think we should submit to the robot overlords as long as they let us use their washer/dryer brothers and sisters because hand-washing our clothes is not one of the options. If you have seen the Matrix, you might have noticed how ragged their clothing was. That's from hand-washing. I can confirm this from my own experiences. Besides squeezing through fences, this is the cause of all the holes in my clothing. I have actually had to mend things here so I would not look quite so shabby. During a particularly difficult repair, I was frustrated that I couldn't push a needle through the fabric without painfully jabbing my thumb. I thought to myself "some sort of metal thumb cap would really make this easier" and that's how I re-invented the thimble. That's a good side story. Needless to say, I am looking forward to tomorrow when I will be hand-washing my clothes for the last time.

2 Comments:

Blogger mrpresco said...

Mom and I were discussing that your washing instructions do not explain how to wash hair if you are a lady. Soooo we decided we would probably cut it all off. This would also help with the robot invasion because robot hunters would be less likely to track us without long hair strands everywhere.... that is, until we gave in and let the robots rule the planet.

September 3, 2011 at 7:55 AM  
Blogger Noah Prescott said...

You're suppose to wash hair? If that's the case then you are correct, just cut it all off and buy a wig if you feel like you need hair. Wigs don't need washing right?

September 7, 2011 at 6:49 AM  

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